Not being able to take care of our children is never something we parents want to think about. The reality is, however, that there are numerous possibilities in which we may not be able to care for our children - either temporarily or permanently. The most responsible thing we can do as parents is to determine who will care for our children if we can’t; but how do you decide on guardians?
I’m an attorney who drafts wills, particularly for families with minor children, and guardianship is always a tricky subject for my clients. In fact, statistically, more than half of parents don’t have a will that names guardians for their children. The number one reason why families don’t have a plan is that parents don’t know who to choose as guardians.
Here are the 3 steps I take when advising my clients:
Make a List of Everyone You Know:
The first step is to make a list of everyone you know who would be a better choice to care for your children than foster care. Literally—everyone.
Not having a plan means your children may end up in foster care until a judge can decide which of your relatives or other petitioners should have custody.
When you make a list of everyone you know who would be a better choice than foster care, you may be surprised at who makes the list that you hadn’t considered before.
Make a List of Your Family Values:
The next step is to make a new list. This list is a compilation of the values you want to define your family. Maybe you want your family to be stewards of nature. Maybe you care about your kids learning to serve the community. Do you love animals? Do you want your children to be financially literate? Are you a passionate homeschooler? Do you prefer your children go to public schools?
This list should be completely comprehensive, meaning every value you want your children to learn.
After you have your full list, you can prioritize your values. It may be the case that while you do want your children to learn to recycle and be conscious of environmentalism, but there are other values you want your children to learn as a bigger priority.
Put It All Together
Once you have both lists, go through your first list of all the people you know who would be a better option to care for your children than foster care. Who on that list best personifies your list of family values?
These are the people who would raise your children in the same manner that you expect to raise your family. That’s your best option for guardian.
Other considerations I offer my clients include:
Does My Guardian Have to Be Wealthy?
No. Your guardian should be someone you know, love, and trust who would raise your children in much the same way you are raising your children. Financially, there are many ways we can prepare your estate so that your children will be taken care of no matter what financial means your chosen guardian has to raise your children.
Consider Temporary Guardians
Most wills detail what happens to your children if you die, but there may be circumstances in which you haven’t died, and you won’t die from your condition, but you are not able to take care of your children for a temporary period of time.
For example, perhaps you had an accident and you will need to be in the hospital for several surgeries and rehabilitation. Who will take care of your children in that instance? Your will won’t apply in this instance, because it only applies when you die.
Your estate documents should include a nomination of temporary guardians which will speak to this situation and allow you to name guardians to serve on a temporary basis only if you are incapacitated.
Peace of Mind is Invaluable
There are so many what-ifs in life and worrying about all the things that may happen can definitely keep you up at night. As parents, we get such precious little sleep as it is. Don’t let worrying about your children’s guardian be the reason you lose sleep. Have a quality, comprehensive plan to protect your family, including naming a guardian who will raise your children with the same values as you.
If after reading this you realize "Uh Oh - we are in the 50% who don't have named guardians," don't worry - I'd love to help you figure this out. Call our office at 1-888-675-3332 or email me directly and we'll get the ball rolling.
