Can you imagine being trapped, controlled and abused? National statistics show that on average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million people. Every nine seconds in the US, a woman is assaulted or beaten.
One in four families in Union County is impacted by domestic violence.
No one ever expects that they’ll be faced with abuse and violence caused by the one who is supposed to love and cherish them. And that notion of unconditional love coupled with unimaginable fear is what causes victims to return to their abuser an average of seven times before leaving for good. And even then, permanently walking away is a long journey that takes healing and perhaps even justice before an independent, violence-free life seems not only obtainable, but desirable.
It’s important to understand that domestic violence is a highly underreported crime that does not discriminate. It does not care what neighborhood you live in, what kind of car you drive, the color of your skin or if you’ve been married for one year or 20.
The bright light in all this is that there are warning signs, and if it’s you or a close friend or relative, being aware of the red flags of abusive relationships is key to preventing abuse and violence, which can often last generations. Abuse is ultimately not about violence, it is about power and control, and understanding how that need for control manifests itself in a relationship is vital.
According to the North Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence, warning signs that your partner is abusive include but are not limited to:
- Extreme jealousy
- Possessiveness
- Unpredictability
- A bad temper
- Cruelty to animals
- Verbal abuse
- Extremely controlling behavior
- Antiquated beliefs about roles of women and men in relationships
- Forced sex or disregard of their partner's unwillingness to have sex
- Sabotage of birth control methods or refusal to honor agreed upon methods
- Blaming the victim for anything bad that happens
- Sabotage or obstruction of the victim's ability to work or attend school
- Controls all the finances
- Abuse of other family members, children or pets
- Accusations of the victim flirting with others or having an affair
- Control of what the victim wears and how they act
- Demeaning the victim either privately or publicly
- Embarrassment or humiliation of the victim in front of others
- Harassment of the victim at work
Sexual Assault Cases on the Rise
According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (more commonly referred to as RAINN), COVID-19 has dramatically impacted the numbers of minors calling sexual assault hotlines. In fact, March 2020 was the first time ever that half of RAINN’s hotline callers were below the age of 18.
Turning Point's Sexual Abuse Hotline is 704-283-7770
Scott Berkowitz, RAINN’s president, stated that for many, “stay at home” does not mean “safe at home.” With 34% of sexual assault being committed by family members, the Coronavirus has forced many individuals, especially minors, to stay at home with their abusers. Another issue coronavirus poses for survivors of sexual assault is time to ruminate on the act of violence committed against them.
As part of advocacy, we encourage survivors to surround themselves with trusted individuals and to seek out activities that help them to feel safe and that help take their mind off of the incident. With stay at home orders in place, it is much more difficult for survivors to engage with their support network and to enjoy the activities that bring them comfort. This lull in outside distractions has prompted some survivors to call the hotline to discuss an assault that is years old, but has now come to the forefront of their mind during isolation.
Despite this, Turning Point’s Sexual Assault Resource Center and Tree House Children’s Advocacy Center staff members are as ready as ever to help victims. Our 24-hour crisis line is fully staffed and operational; we are able to provide remote advocacy services to victims who receive sexual assault evidence collection kits at the hospital; we can assist with the process of obtaining a sexual assault restraining order; and we can do forensic interviews on an as-needed basis. If you or someone you love has suffered sexual assault at any time and you are seeking help and resources, please do not hesitate to reach out. You are not alone. We are here to walk this difficult road with you.
Recognizing the warning signs could literally mean the difference between life and death. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, please know that there is help.Turning Point’s crisis line is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, at (704) 283-7233.
Love doesn’t have to hurt.
